Tuesday, 4 November 2014

My Essay Correction from Mr. Halili in Writing Course


The Effect of Indonesian Associate Language to Indonesian Official Language
Firstly, the existence of Indonesian official language is threatened by associate language. Indonesian Indonesian [B1] official language is rarely used in youth society[B2] . This phenomenon has occurred because of lack understanding how to use Indonesian language well. [B3] The youngsters like using associate language better than using Indonesian official language because they think that associate language is cool. [B4] If they are accustomed to use associate language, our official language will be extinct.  In addition, language [B5] has close relationship to Indonesian culture. If we cannot maintain the existence of national language, our culture will immerse[B6] .
The second effect is the decrease of the dignity of Indonesia. [B7] The youngsters tend to use associate language in order to be considered exist in their community[B8] . They speak associate language fluently, but they speak Indonesian language worse. They often use associate language because  it develops through SMS, social media, internet, and also television. For example, “what are you doing?” in Bahasa Indonesia is “Lagi apa sekarang?” becomes “gy pha ckrg?.” [B9] There is also the word “banget” becomes “beud”. Then, they change “s” become “z” that is like “malez”. This language does not reflect the culture and identity of Indonesia, so it can decrease the moral of youngsters because they lost an identity as Indonesian youth. [B10] If we could not use Indonesian language well, people in other countries will underestimate Indonesian people.
Well done!
90

 [B1]??
 [B2]Where is it?
 [B3]Good!
 [B4]Yes!
 [B5]What language?
 [B6]Yes! Good judgment.
 [B7]Clear topic sentence.
 [B8]Yes!
 [B9]Good. Providing example is brilliant as the previous statement is getting more apparent.
 [B10]You need to justify the argument stating the moral standards so that youngsters behave morally appropriate.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Dekostruksi cerpen "The Grasshopper" karya Anton Chekov

DECONSTRUCTING “THE GRASSHOPPER” AND “ART” IN ANTON CHEKOV’S THE GRASSHOPPER   Presented by: HARIS KURNIAWATI 120...